In AON: Communication

**NOTE: This is a small piece of the complete lesson to give you a Taste of OXYGEN.

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Dr. Stan Tatkin is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, or PACT. He has worked with couples and individuals in his clinical practice for the last 15 years. He is also the author of several books, including Love and War in Intimate Relationships, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and Wired for Love.

“We are more aware of negative things that trigger our partner and more open to seeing from each other’s point of view. We learned how to listen to each other, relate to how the other is feeling, and understand what they are trying to communicate.”

Willie & Courtney Watkins – Premium Members

Inside the Lesson

In this episode, Dr. Stan Tatkin—clinician, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and author of Wired for Love—discusses the landmarks of a healthy relationship, including:

1. What are the negative effects of independence on a healthy relationship?

Many of us do not “rest” in our relationships; in other words, we are not able to be ourselves and fully depend on another person, so we spend all of our resources pursuing a sense of security rather than pressing into the relationship and giving fully of ourselves.

2. How important is the “couple bubble”?

The couple bubble is a protective boundary. It relies on both parties being loyal to the relationship and not damaging this delicate system of safety and security that creates a safe environment.

3. What are the three styles of attachment in a relationship, and how do they affect the relationship?

An insecure person is a “wave”; a middle-secure person is an “island”; and a secure person is an “anchor.”

4. How can a couple work towards a secure relationship?

Every couple must decide why they are together and whether or not the relationship’s interests are more important than self-interest.

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More from Dr. Tatkin

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